5 People From Cheyenne You Should Write-In For President [Satire]

Whether you're a Republican or a Democrat, like Libertarian ideals or Green Party ideals, we're likely all sick of most politicians.

If you can't find a presidential candidate you like this year, we'd like to suggest some write-in options from right here in Cheyenne...

Cowboy Ken 

Resume: Wears nothing but a barrel to every University of Wyoming game, sells cars in Cheyenne.

Why Vote: If Ken is tough enough to wear nothing but a barrel in -20 degree weather, America's enemies will tremble in fear with him in charge.

What's In It For You: Ken will bring the Wyoming spirit to the White House.

Downside: He may wear a barrel for his State of the Union addresses.

Alf

Resume: Owner of Alf's Pub, Emcee at every Thankful Thursday

Why Vote: Alf is without a doubt one of Cheyenne's most charitable people. He works endlessly to help various charities. He'd bring the same charitable approach to the White House.

What's In It For You: Alf is likely to buy everyone in America over 21 a Coors Light.

Downside: He's so charitable that he once wore a bikini in public, let's hope that never happens again.

Danny Glick

Resume: Laramie County Sheriff

Why Vote: Frankly, he's the only one on this list who has political experience. Since we're not concerned at all with important issues that face America, the top reason to vote Glick is that epic mustache.

What's In It For You: America gets to admire that 'stache.

Downside: He may try to build a large wall separating Wyoming and Colorado.  

Rodeo Rick 

Resume: 106.3 Cowboy Country Morning Show Host, Auctioneer

Why Vote: Rodeo Rick brings a Wyoming mentality to the White House. If it's not "Cowboy Tough", it won't fly in DC.

What's In It For You: Rodeo is sure to create holidays like "National Skip Work To Go Fishing Day" and announce a considerable tax break for anyone who wants to purchase a boat.

Downside: Rick will spend more time on the lake than actually in the White House.

Abby & Charlotte - The Town & Country Dogs

Resume: Promote Town & Country Supermarket Liquors part time, Are adorable full time

Why Vote: There's not much this duo can't get accomplished. And, with all due respect to the current front runners, it's about time we have a cute candidate.

What's In It For You: Loyalty, dependability, and lots of fetch. Plus, they'll have a knack for bringing Americans together with their "bi-paw-tisan" program.

Downside: Although they are very persistent, they lack some communication skills.