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Need an Excuse to Ditch Your New Year’s Resolution? Here’s How to Break Them

Ben & Jerry's Vermonster
barry.pousman, Flickr

It’s only been a couple of weeks since we began the new year and you made all those life improving resolutions, but relief is in sight. January 17 is Ditch New Year’s Resolutions Day.

Why? As any expert will tell you, it takes at least three weeks to form a habit, but only three days to break it. 2012 is not yet three weeks old, so how could you possibly be dedicated to those resolutions yet? This is likely causing you a great deal of stress and heartache. Stress and heartache are bad for your health, so, spend the next three days breaking those evil resolutions in the best possible ways.

Resolution: Get In Shape

How to Break: The best way to break the most clichéd resolution is to sit back and relax. Don’t go to the gym. Don’t do any heavy lifting. Don’t even leave the house. Get a comfy chair and access to 24/7 entertainment and let gravity do the rest. Like, for instance, the…

Palliser Rhumba Power Recliner

Forget jumping around and all that ridiculous looking weightlifting and cardio stuff. Recliners are where it’s at. This power recliner leans you back into extreme comfort with the push of a button and, if you get the optional “buttshaker” upgrade, you get the excitement of feeling the sound while you watch reruns of ‘Celebrity Fit Club’ on satellite TV.

Palliser Rhumba power recliner
4seating.com

Home Theater

Why venture out to the multiplex when you can enjoy ‘Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked’ in the comfort of your own home? Sure, there’s the giant popcorn slathered in faux-butter and tub of soda, but those are easy enough to replicate at home. With home theater systems nearly on par with what you get at your local AMC or Loew’s, there’s never any reason to squeeze next to screaming kids to see Liam Neeson take on wolves.

Boman Home Theater
TheaterRooms.com

Resolution: Eat Better

How to Break: Of course, if you resolved to get in shape, you probably also resolved to eat better. Well, stop it. (Ok? Just stop!) Instead, take the stress out of the new year and head to these places for the best dessert ever:

  • Ben & Jerry’s Waterbury Factory Tour: If you’re going to break your “eat right” resolution, you have to go big. Don’t just get a single serving size of your favorite Ben & Jerry’s flavor, take a tour of their factory. You can end the tour in the Scoop Shop where you can order the Vermonster, made of 20 scoops of ice cream, hot fudge, banana, cookies, brownies and all of your favorite toppings.
Ben & Jerry's Vermonster
barry.pousman, Flickr
  • Hershey’s Chocolate World: Any place known as “Chocolate World” has to be the perfect place to undo any “eat right” damage you have already done. Tour the chocolate factory (with a free sample), create your own candy bar (oh, the possibilities!) or really let it all go in the Dessert Creation Studio.
original chocolate creation from Hershey's Chocolate World
jesse?, Flickr

Resolution: Save Money

How to Break: The economy has been tough for a while, so you finally decided to get better about saving money. But, you can’t take it with you in the end, so forget it. Here are some important investments you can make to enjoy that money while you can.

  • Build a House: Real estate is an investment, right? Do what this guy did and build the most expensive house ever. This one is 27 stories tall and cost about $2 billion to build. The house has a health club, more than one “safe room,” three helipads and more than 150 parking spaces. Its upkeep requires the work of 500 servants. It might be difficult to sell in the future, but definitely a good way to spend a lot of money.
Mukesh Ambani house in India
Jay Hariani, Flickr
  • Buy a Bugatti Veyron Super Sport car: If you’re going to have the most expensive house, you don’t want to park some sad looking sedan in front of it. You will definitely need the most expensive car. That would be the $2.4 million, fully loaded, Bugatti Veyron Super Sport. Reaching 267 miles per hour, it’s the fastest street legal car you can buy and goes from 0-60 in about 2.5 seconds. You know, in case you really need to get away from that extremely nice house. Tom Cruise has one. Shouldn’t you?
Bugatti Veyron Super Sport
TheSuperCars.org

Resolution: Accomplish More

How to Break: This was going to be the year of you. You were going to make a name for yourself at work or finally get that big project done. This will only cause you anxiety and stress, which could affect your health. Instead, take that vacation you’ve always dreamed of. Here are a couple of good places where you can pretty much do nothing.

  • Kihavah Villas, Maldives: Aim to accomplish less with your own private everything on one of the most well-preserved islands in the Maldives. The Kihavah Villas boast beautiful beaches, divinely relaxing spa services and gorgeous over-water rooms with private pools, dining pavilions, wooden sundecks, swinging daybeds and outdoor showers. You even get a personalized pillow. Just try to get something done.
Kihavah Villas, Maldives
Anantara.com
  • Mii amo Spa, Sedona, AZ: If your other resolution was to save money, stay closer to home and spend seven all-inclusive days at the Mii amo Spa having personalized spa treatments twice a day. With private massage areas in the rooms and personal spa-amenity bathrooms, your plane ticket will say Arizona, but you’ll think you’ve gone to heaven.
Mii amo resort spa in Sedona, AZ
Miiamo.com

Resolution: Be Nicer to People

How to Break: Sure, it seems like a good idea to be kinder to those around you. Maybe your blood pressure will go down if you’re more patient and perhaps what goes around does come around. But, research has shown that a few well-timed curse words can help ease pain, so maybe being nicer to people isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Go back to being mean with these two apps.

Pirate Insult Generator app
Tim Moses, Developer
  • Backhanded Compliment Generator app: If you want to be mean while also seeming nice, this backhanded compliment generator should come in handy. Use this one at the office with that annoying coworker who drove you crazy last year.
Backhanded Compliment Generator
BrotherSoft.com

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