Tank, The Cheyenne Frontier Days Bull, Speaks Out [Satire]

Some see them as just dumb animals. Some want to set them free. Some want to see if they can ride one. Some wonder if they can be grilled for dinner. But has anyone ever asked the bull what they think? They don't talk much, so we just assume they have nothing to say.

Tank, the bull, was relaxing between cowboy maulings at Cheyenne Frontier Days when we approached and asked him for an interview. Normally speaking with anyone is against the rules, but Tank decided that is was well past time for some bull to say something.

"P.E.T.A? Never heard of her," Tank snorted.

"Oh, are those them pesky kids what want to set me loose or some nonsense like that? That's silly, honestly. I get all the free food I can eat. I get to sleep most of the day and they keep hooking me up with hot heifers. Why would I want head out into the boring flat prairie lands? No guarantee of food or water out there. No protection from predators. Why would I want to do that? I'm fine here, thanks."

"Besides, when they take me to events like Frontier Days I get to toss and stomp a human. I mean, come on. That ain't nothing but fun. Then there are the ones with the funny painted faces what like to jump into barrels and I get to buck them and over and across the field as the crowd cheers."

"Frankly, I can't see a bad side to this."

"What do you mean what about the smell? What smell?"