The State Of Wyoming Versus The Bill’s Coin Toss
Members of the media, the State of Wyoming prosecution, and the No Fun League walk into the Courtroom awaiting the arrival of the Honorable Judge Pistol Pete. Looks across the courtroom vary from clear disgust to pure ignorance of the whole situation and why they're here. Judge Pete walks in as "Cowboy Joe" plays softly.
Bailiff- All Rise for the Honorable Judge Pistol Pete.
Judge Pete- Thank you, bailiff. Please keep in mind that this is a court of law and outbursts will not be tolerated. People have tried me in the past and failed. That list of people could stretch across War Memorial. Counsel, would you like to begin with your opening statement?
State Attorney- Ladies and Gentlement of the jury, it's with the greatest amount of displeasure that we bring to you this case from the No Fun League. The blatant, ignorance of fun and football. The sheer disrespect for, not only the great play of one, Josh Allen, but, also the Bills Mafia, AND, the Wyoming hopeful that have made Mr. Allen a favorite son. Yesterday's game was one of the biggest instances of woeful ignorance that I've seen in a lifetime. Was the game one of the best games of the season? Yes, it was. Did we deserve the ending? No, we did not. Neither did Josh. How can his season end on a bad coin toss call? I'm going to prove that the No Fun League is in violation today. Violation of enjoying an instant classic football game, and in violation of robbery and theft of fun. Thank you, your honor.
No Fun League Defense Attorney- Ladies and Gentlemen, I thank you for this time to defend my client, the largest sports league in the world, ran by the greatest sports executive we've ever seen. Now, the commissioner is not here today, he was concerned that you Wyoming wind would compromise his hair. But while I'm here in your great state, I want to thank you for supporting the No Fun League this year. I know you had greater hopes for yesterday, but, Mr. Allen did have a 50/50 shot of not ruining the coin toss.
*Rumbles arise from the courtroom*
State Attorney- Objection your honor, the defendant is insulting everyone in this room.
Judge Pete- Sustained, Counsel, any more off-color remarks and you'll be thrown in contempt.
No Fun League Defense Attorney- My apologies, your honor. How can you blame my client for a coin toss, those ARE the rules. There were grumblings years back about being able to lose in overtime over a field goal, and our gracious organization changed the rules. What is it that you want? The same Chaos that happens in College Football? Do you want to just keep playing football? That's absurd. No one likes that. Thank you, Judge.
*More rumbling occurs in the courtroom*
Judge Pete- Order! Finale Warning. Thank you, counsels, will the State continue their case?
State Attorney- Thank you, your honor. The defense made clear that they don't like you, or care what you think. They also think that a coin toss is just fine and fair. They also seem to be the only ones that are not ok with sitting in your underwear at midnight during the college football season, watching the Pac 12 after dark and there being around 14 overtimes. We are entertained and that IS what we want. That is especially the case for yesterday when the Bills were ROBBED of even getting a chance to touch the football. There is no sudden death when one offense can't get a possession before the refs walk off the field.
No Fun League Defense Attorney- Objection! People get fines for insulting our officials like this!
Judge Pete- Overruled! That's your final warning.
State Attorney- Thank you, Judge. Now, I think the only way to reconcile this issue is another rule change. And not one in the way of just dipping your toes in, a bonified rule change that allows for a better STRUCTURED Overtime session where both offenses touch the ball. I rest my case.
Judge Pete- Defendent, your turn. And again, I warn you, no more outbursts.
No Fun League Defense Attorney- Thank you, your honor, I'll make this quick. While we acknowledge the great state of Wyoming's issues with our Overtime Rules, we have no desire to make any changes at this time. Thank you, your honor.
Judge Pete- Thank you, counsels. I'll take both cases under consideration and will return after a short recess.
The rumblings of those in attendance were undeniably in the favor of the State. Many people were saying "I'm going to stop watching" and "I'm going to burn my jersey". The No Fun League snickered and muttered under their breaths, "go ahead, see if we care".
Judge Pete returns to the courtroom.
Judge Pete- Thank you for your time and participation in this trial. This was a tough decision, but I have no choice but to suspend the case for a year and give the No Fun League the opportunity to make a decision in the offseason. *bangs gavel* HOWEVER, if any disrespect or hardship comes to Josh Allen again, I'll throw you in contempt, whether we're in court or not. The court is adjourned.
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