What's your worst Christmas gift that you've ever received? Did you miss out on getting that Official Red Rider, carbine action, two-hundred shot range model air rifle and get a crummy football instead? Or did you get a "pink disaster" of a set of pajamas? You could have wound up with a lump of coal in your stocking. Everyone has at least one, bad gift they've gotten in their life, one so that changes the landscape of what gift giving is for you. My experience is pretty unique and I've, hand to god, never heard anyone have a gift as bad as mine.

A little back story, Christmas as a kid for me was awesome. Every year, so awesome. We'd pack up the family minivan and head to my Grandparent's Southern Illinois farm for two days of festivities. I'll always remember it just being this magical farm house, it was the biggest house I'd been in, so it felt like a mansion. In hind sight, it was a large house, large enough to hold Christmas for the extended family, but maybe not a mansion.

Christmas Eve night was probably more fun than Christmas Day, aside from getting better presents on Christmas Day. The house was filled with my Grandma and Grandpa, my parents, my sister, aunts, uncles and cousins. We'd have all kinds of appetizers, snacks and plenty of punch and other drinks.

We'd wait for everyone to get there, which always seemed to take forever before we'd exchange gifts. Considering I was somewhere between 7 and 11, I'm not real sure how the pile of gifts were in front of me, whether I got to pass them out or someone else. As I ripped through the gifts like a tornado, I get this small box unwrapped. It came in a different type of box that wasn't a toy, maybe it was a bathroom light that you plug in? I'm not sure. As I opened the gift, I moved some tissue paper to see my "gift".

To my genuine surprise, which may never be matched again by me, it was filled with DOG POOP! I was bamboozled! A child was given a pile of poop as a joke! The worst part, I wasn't allowed to act like I didn't like the gift. I had to say thank you. I had to accept this. I honestly don't know what happened to the box after opening, but I don't believe it made the trip back to my old Kentucky home.

My aunt was the culprit of this cruel joke, but, my oldest cousin helped me get her back by setting her up with some Ex-Lax brownies. To this day, I promise you this is the truth, my Mother will tell me before we exchange gifts with anyone, "Matthew, what do you say if you get a gift you don't like, even if it's a turd in a box?" Thank you, I can use it.

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