Wyoming’s Nuclear Missiles Decorated For Christmas [SATIRE]
Imagine a thermal nuclear missile decorated in garland and lights with a stocking cap as a topper, roaring into the atmosphere toward some hopeful dictators chimney.
It's the gift that keeps on giving, for millions of years, until the radiation finally reaches its half-life.
Cheyenne's F.E. Warren Air Force Base has decorated its many underground missiles with those most festive and delightful holiday cheer one can imagine.
"Funny how the festive lights glow all on their own," said Lieutenant Marcy Struckmyer, spokeswoman for the bases holiday festivities. "We didn't even have to plug them in. So, in a sense, you could say we are going green this Christmas. Kind of a weird glowing, pulsating, blue-ish green."
"Should we have to launch one of these at any weird, short little fat dictators with funny haircuts, no names mentioned, I hope they imagine Santa has dropped a big Christmas tree from is a sleigh, right in the middle of their capital city."
This is not the only change made in time for Christmas. Apparently, and this is off the record, the launch code has been changed to something festive sounding. No telling what that means but apparently as the code is repeated out loud the fellows turning the keys will be calling out some sort of Christmas cheer.
The folks at F.E. Warren Air Force Base would also like any nation they might have to fire at to remember, they don't expect anything back. "Christmas is for giving, not getting," said Lieutenant Struckmyer, with a smirk and a twinkle in her eye.