It’s the end of the world as we know it — maybe. Now that 2012 is here, you’re bound to hear all those theories about how the world will indeed end this year. Heck, there was even a movie made about it.
We don’t claim to know whether Armageddon is in the offing, but we do know there are some ways to tell. If any of the following events take place in the next 12 months, we urge you to run as fast as possible to your nearest fallout shelter. Good luck and don’t say you weren’t warned:
The holidays are behind us and perhaps the only thing more disappointing than the awful gift from your Aunt Beatrice — seriously, a tie? — is the fact all the eating you did is starting to show in what used to be your washboard abs.
If you see more numbers when you step on the scale than you do when you look at your paycheck, it may be time to face the dreaded “d” word – diet. Before you start chowing down on nothing but tofu and steamed broccoli, though, consider these helpful tips to win the battle of the bulge.
You may have heard that ‘The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1′ had a ridiculously huge opening weekend at the box office. You may not have heard, though, what people were saying as they left the theater after seeing this cinematic masterpiece. Well, we’re here to fill you in on what fans were muttering:
Brad Pitt raised eyebrows earlier this week when he said that he’d like to stop acting when he turns 50 in three years so he can do other things with his time. What exactly would those other things be, though? Glad you asked. We have some suggestions.
Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar have announced they are expecting their 20th child, due in April. The Arkansas couple and stars of TLC’s ’19 Kids and Counting,’ clearly love children, so while they busy themselves sprucing up their nursery yet again, we thought we’d honor their 20th bundle of joy with — what else? — 20 jokes about having such a large family.
After weeks of speculation, Jessica Simpson has announced she is pregnant. It’ll be the first child for the singer/actress/designer/former reality star and her fiancé, former pro football player Eric Johnson. In lieu of sending them a gift to help them decorate their nursery, we decided to give them the gift of laughter.
So, has the shock of Kim Kardashian divorcing Kris Humphries after 72 days of wedded bliss worn off yet? Good thing the news broke on Halloween because we were so depressed, we needed to drown our sorrows in bucketfuls of fun size Milky Ways.
Like many a divorcee, though, we will soldier on. Let’s start the healing process with 14 jokes about Kim and Kris’ marriage.
So, make sure your checkbook is balanced, you’ve turned off all the lights and filled your dog’s bowl with water. But, if we’re going to leave this world, why not leave with a smile, right? Here are 10 jokes about the rapture. Think you’ve got good ones? We’d love to read them, so feel free to include yours below.
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