Last Thursday I was driving by a park we frequent and saw something that made me roll my eyes. A fairly large portable toilet was tipped over.

It happened late in the day because when I saw it at around 7:30 pm and told my wife about it, she had been by there around 6:00 pm and it was still standing. The wind wasn't blowing particularly hard that day, certainly not enough to topple a toilet. I am quite sure that one or more idiots between the ages of 20 are responsible for the not funny prank.

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In 2020, when COVID meant no city-provided toilets at our neighborhood park, it was incredibly inconvenient to take the kids to the park. After asking them all five times before we leave for the park, one of them will have to go onesies or twosies while we are there and that means going all the way back home again. So when an imbecile vandalizes the toilet at the park, it really pisses me off.

So here are five reasons to not tip over the porta-potties and the park.

1. What if you need it?

The irony would be delicious if you had knocked over the toilet and then suddenly got a case of Montezuma's Revenge from a dirty diaper you never knew sat on the bench briefly before you put your hand on it and then ate a sandwich.

2. It's Illegal

I know, duh, vandalism or destruction of property is against the law. That could be costly and time-consuming.

3. Splatter

I was honestly disappointed I didn't see the remnants of that blue fluid strewn about the sidewalk after the toilet tipper got splashed. I'm no expert on these things but I was surprised there wasn't a mess all over the inside of it.

4. It's Stupid

If you want to spend $500 on one of these things, fill it up with the blue juice, and knock it over, be my guest. But to do that to a toilet filled with other people's waste is so beyond stupid. Forget about vandalism. You are basically signing up for a splash of my crap in your face.

5. Karma

You can bet if you are dumb enough to knock over a porta-potty, what goes around will come around for you. Either because of cosmic forces that somehow align to take revenge on you or because you make so many dumb life choices that it's just inevitable, either way, you won't get off scot-free!

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